The Day My Definition of “Mama” Changed

Five years ago today, my definition of “mama” changed.

The Day My Definition of "Mama" Changed |

You see, for the last year and a half up to that point, I knew the fierceness of love and the willing-to-give-everything kind of love that comes with being “mama.” I knew what it felt like to know that life is inside. And I knew the heart-wrenching grief that shook my body as I said “goodbye” to the teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy life {oh yes, LIFE} that lived inside me. I knew that part of “mama.”

When I saw those two little pink lines for the second time, oh the amazing excitement and hope I felt.

But I was terrified. Terrified of loss again.

Mercifully that wasn’t God’s plan this time.

My definition of “mama” grew to include the awful “green feeling” from driving  45 minutes to work every morning.

Before I knew it, flutters grew into kicks, punches and catapulting life inside me.

Every day I learned more about being “mama.”

As I grew to the size of a barn {totally NOT kidding, here!}, “mama” began looking more and more selfless. THIS giving of my body for my babe. It wasn’t the most enjoyable part for me, but I would gain a million pounds for a healthy little one.

As I labored for 46 hours, I thought how ridiculously easy being mama must be compared to this nightmare. {My body didn’t like to do labor and birth very well the first time.}

In that moment, when you *finally* made your appearance, my definition of “mama” changed from what I knew of loss, grief, love and “hope deferred” to a tangible, beautiful person I could hold and look at and snuggle.

Little man, you changed my life. Your birth brought healing from loss.

You made me “mama” in every way possible.

You are special.

Ridley and Mama

You will always be my little man.

Happy Birthday, Ridley!



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  1. Estelle says

    This is so beautiful it made me cry… My little princess is turning 20 this year but she will always be my little girl, my one and only treasure, too.
    Happy Birthday Ridley :-)


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