Do you ever fear seeing people that you haven’t seen in a very long time? Do you worry what they might think of you?
Do you naturally judge people for the way that they look? You know you do. It’s human nature.
Here’s the deal.
I’m thirty pounds heavier than I was two years ago. Even four years ago.
That’s the catch.
I’m insecure, fearful and afraid of being judged for what I look like.
People who’ve known me for years, will see those thirty pounds.
I’m afraid that they won’t…
…see that I’ve lost forty pounds in a year and a half.
…instantly think about me birthing a child.
…think about how much better I look today.
…realize how hard I work out and run.
…see that my hormones and thyroid are bonkers.
They won’t immediately notice that my spirit has matured.
They might not see my momma’s heart full of love.
They might not think that these flabby arms have rocked, held, loved and nurtured.
They might think that I have no self control or motivation.
They might think that I don’t care.
They will remember the skinny me.
The me that may never exist again.
The me I long to see again.
The me that I know. The me that I’m comfortable with.
In dealing with this very real fear, I’m forced to realize that what God sees in me is most important. I’m His daughter…a princess. He sees my kinder, softer, less critical heart. He sees my desire to be fit for Him, myself and my husband. He knows. He knows the deepest, darkest caverns of my heart.
A place where no one else can go. A place where it’s just me and the One who never disappoints.
It is there I find comfort while dealing with the reality of fear.
“For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” I Samuel 16:7
Do you ever fear others’ judgment of your outward appearance?
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Myra, thanks for putting this out there! I just had a discussion with some 19 yrs olds at my dinner table. It is an unreal expectation to think that you can or should maintain your high school weight through your adult life. For those of us who are moms, our chemical makeup has changed, hip bones have shifted during the birthing process, metabolism is different, and our activities are different.
I believe with my whole heart that the Accuser of our Souls will not stop lying to us about what he wants us to believe. But God has told us differently in His word.
You’ve been hand picked to be a wife and mother, and these two tasks alone make you a beautiful woman!
cherie´s last [type] ..Paperback Swap
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I have to tell you, Myra, that you touched on one of my “pettest” pet peeves – jumping to conclusions about people without knowing their circumstances. I think that was what Jesus was talking about when He said “Judge not that ye be not judged”. Matthew 7:1 We have the responsibility to discern between right and wrong. We are on very thin ice when we judge people. I could go on and on, but you get the idea!
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As one who has seen your heart on the screen and your face in person … I can tell you what I see:
A bright light that glows with contentment and joy.
A tender heart that shares grace and beauty.
A kind spirit that nurtures with compassion and sincerity.
And I also see a beautiful face that shines the love of God!
Much love to you, my friend!
Teri Lynne´s last [type] ..Lisa Whelchel on Friendship
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I fear the same thing. I am thirty pounds heavier than I used to be and I don’t see it coming off any time soon. I feel ya sister. I always remind myself of that verse in 1 Samuel. You are not alone – ever!
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wonderful post and conversation that women should be having… seeking God’s word and what He sees in us. encouraging each other to see others the way God does. thanks!
Jenilee´s last [type] ..Ah! Camp! We love you!
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I too am about 30 pounds heavier than my “normal” weight, which has always been naturally thin {too thin to some people, but hey-it’s how God made me}. My daughter is 15 months old, so I have lost the “just had a baby” excuse. After my sons, I lost all of the weight within 6-8 months and was back to my skinny self. I gain 50 plus pounds with each pregnancy so it is always a dramatic change for my normal 100 pound frame.
I have had to learn how to be comfortable in my “new skin” and also that I need to be healthy for the right reasons. I even tried the 3o Day Shred {Jillian Michaels} for about 12 days awhile back. I long to be back to “me” for my health and also for my husband. He is so supportive and I know he loves me no matter what, but it is a gift I want to give him.
I am in prayer about how God wants me to move forward with my weight and body image. Currently I am not doing much to change it-although I naturally eat pretty healthy. It’s the exercise I am not doing much of.
As for the judgment from others, yes it does bother me. Especially when people assume comments won’t bother me because I am {was} “the skinny girl”. I am not sure where people get that idea, but a few people seem to have it. Even at the weight I am now I am still “skinny” to most people-I am just not what people who have known me long expect me to be. I am a LOT squishier than I used to be. That is my main problem-the squish-not the actual weight.
Praying for you, praying for the rest of us to rest in the exact place God has for us during this season of life.
Carisa´s last [type] ..Homeschool Lunch Made EASY
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Rikki Reply:
July 24th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
@Carisa, I really like what you said about being in prayer about how God wants you to move forward because I am doing that, as well. I have done all the diets and what not. I just suddenly wondered what it was God wanted from me. I just read that it’s human nature to make plans and ask God to bless them. Instead, let’s seek God’s plan. Love it!
Rikki´s last [type] ..Baby-sitting
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Wow this really spoke to my heart. I’ve spent the majority of this week focusing on my flabby belly & legs that are much chunkier than they used to be! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in my thoughts about myself! I will meditate on this scripture and hopefully find some willpower to take action and tone up a bit!
And when I met you I thought you were just beautiful and no thoughts about your weight entered my mind!
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What a great post. I’m 55 pounds heavier now than I was when I started my job 15 years ago, and I definitely fear what other people see when they look at me now.
I, too, assume/worry that people think that I’ve just gotten fat and long to tell them about the 6 surgeries I’ve had to have in the last 7 years, the health problems, the stress… but, of course, I don’t.
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That can be such a hard fear to fight!!!!
I’ll pray for encouragement for you…and that those people will see your precious heart instead!!!
Muthering Heights´s last [type] ..You Can Discover More About A Person
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Oh girl. For me it’s the sun splotches and the wrinkles and the “oh I’ll be so OLD when my kids are in high school” as I watch these cute little 20somethings go through this pregnancy with me. Insecurity is real… and it stinks.
You are beautiful, inside and out!
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Beth Reply:
July 26th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
@Amy @ Finer Things, And yet coming from the other perspective, at 25 when I was pregnant, I though “I’ll never be as mature or wise or good at being a mom as these women in their 3o’s”
I felt lonely- like I was alone giving birth to my son while in my 20′s.
We’re all insecure at some point I guess.
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What a beautiful post!
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This post was meant for me. Thank you. thank you for being honest and true. So much I want to say and yet it is so hard to say it. However, thank you is all I can get out at this moment or I will break down again. Yes, I just had a breakdown a couple of days ago about this same subject. Again, thank you for writing this…
Joy Ellis´s last [type] ..Homeschool Village – PE
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An issue that has been on my heart and mind. I have been praying about what God would want from me in this area. I know I am overweight and so insecure in social thing because of it. Thank you for sharing your heart because I think so many women can relate.
Rikki´s last [type] ..Baby-sitting
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Right as I began to red your post, I thought to myself, “Oh yes, they will think I am fat”. I am right along with you on this. I recently visited a friend in Arizona and before I went I was afraid she would judge me because of the nearly 50 pounds I’ve gained since we last saw one another. I try to tell myself that it doesn’t matter what others might think (and most likely they aren’t thinking those things), but it only matters that He loves me just as I am. I am on a journey to fully realizing that I am accepted and love despite it all.
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I fear this all od the time. Thank you so much for your beautiful thoughts and words.
Allison @ Alli n Son´s last [type] ..Sparkling Moments
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Thank you so much for this post! It really helps to know that I am not the only one that has been distraught about recent weight gain after having babies! It is really, really hard in the culture we live in to see ourselves as God sees us. I am not at all comfortable with the way I look now – it is VERY depressing. Of course my husband is very supportive and I am so thankful for that. But it is good to see posts like this and all the comments that follow…so nice to know that I am not alone!
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This is so true! I am a lot heavier than when my old friends knew me – I suffered severely from an eating disorder then. It still tries to rear its ugly head at me from time to time. I keep trying to get to a place that I am satisfied with but, I feel the same as you, I would rather have God satisfied and pleased with who my spirit has become than to be focused on something that is so shallow and indefinite.
My Heart´s last [type] ..My heart is breaking
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You are beautiful, inside and out. It is natural to have those fears. I have many of them myself. But we must remember that God loves us and desires the best for us. His best for us does not include fear but trust and faith in the one that knows us like no other. You’re in my prayers today as you battle this fear. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly.
Monica´s last [type] ..The Lord’s Prayer
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Like so many of the other comments i can tell you this post has hit the heart of me. I am so much bigger than i was, and why i dont like I learned that those that can not see my heart are people I dont really need to know.
Like yourself my thryoid causes me grief, it fact it struggles to work. Add that to my M.E i know I will never be the slim, energtic dance teacher again. I’m still working on who I am, but I know with the extra weight my heart has also grown.
God bless you for sharing your heart here today xxx
Sara´s last [type] ..Today I am Thankful
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I struggle with this constantly. I’ve always been thin (except when pregnant when I pack on the pounds), but recently I’ve gained a bit of weight. It’s only a few pounds, but the fear that is never far from me is that I won’t be able to stop it. That someday I will be a different me. I still struggle with being secure in the person God created me to be instead of putting my security in what others think of me.
GlowinGirl´s last [type] ..A Time to Embrace and Other Books to Read
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I think most of us feel this way. I too have gained a lot of weight since having children, and I didnt like my body before, now it really disgusts me. I dont know how to get past this when the whole world judges you on your appearance, and especially when we are so self critical, it just seems like an endless mountain to climb. I guess we just need to focus on the blessings in our lives more, and appreciate what we have, even if its not a models figure.
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This post really touched me. I too have extra weight that is making me battle some insecurities. I have 3 children, 3, 2, and 5 months, and the weight isn’t coming off as easily as it did with my first one. Thankyou for your honesty and allowing us to see your heart.
Jessica´s last [type] ..Happy Birthday- Jack!
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thank you so much for this post, you should read a book by beth moore it deals with insecurity forgot the title but im sure if you do a serach for her it will come up
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I waited to see all these wonderful comments — I pray they fill you full and you know – it is a human struggle so many of us fight – yet never God’s intention! Daughter of the King – beautifully restored to be righteous and dazzling in the eyes of our Maker.
love your honesty, love your heart – love you!
stef´s last [type] ..Summer Schooling Mob Society
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Oh Sweet Girl! I love when your heart shines through so brightly. You are sharing a part of you that we all share. Your a beautiful stunning woman, and it shows through your appearance and your actions. Love you!
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Myra, you are gorgeous…inside and out! You’ll always be thinner than me–so take heart!
I’m so privileged to call you my friend…your inner woman is the loveliest part of you, and it’s all the better because it shows outwardly, too. Love you at all times…and forever, friend!
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What an honest, gutsy post.
Thanks for putting this out there.
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