How I Kick Fear In The Booty Daily!
I want to share a bit of my heart today about motherhood…and fear. This is a topic that I’ve been thinking on for a while and I’ve just got to get it out there, because I feel sure that I’m not alone.
I’ll be honest. I’m a worrier. Of the worst sort. I have learned to stay away from Dr. Google, lest I self-diagnose myself {or a family member} with some fatal disease. I recognize that I deal with fear a lot. And I’m working on it big time…I’ll tell you more about how I’m doing that in a bit.
Worry and fear seem to accompany motherhood. If you’re a mother, you probably know what I’m talking about. When those two positive pink lines show up on a pregnancy test, it’s normal to experience incredible joy…as well as a healthy dose of momma-bear protection for your teeny-tiny babe.
When I learned I was pregnant with Ridley, I had already experienced the grief of miscarriage. The possibility of losing another baby weighed heavily on me. How could it not? I read and educated myself as much as I could on things I should do, things I shouldn’t do. Food I should eat and food I shouldn’t eat. Supplements to take. Medicine to avoid. The list goes on and on.
Childbirth comes with it’s own set of fears. Will the baby be healthy? Can I really do this? What about interventions? What if things don’t go according to plan? And on and on.
Once the baby is here, then you worry about keeping sick people away and making people wash their hands to hold the baby.
All this worry is exhausting me!
These things that I’ve mentioned aren’t necessarily bad. Most of them are good. It’s good to be educated. It’s good to have a birth plan. It’s good to keep sick people away from your baby.
But are you being controlled by worry and fear? Are you really LIVING and enjoying life?
Over the last four years of being a mother, I’ve learned a lot about the human body. I agree with Psalm 139:14 which says, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God created humans with incredibly strong, beautiful immune systems. He made our bodies to heal themselves. And He created plants and herbs for our good…to support our health and healing.
Cameron ran a fever on Sunday for several hours without symptoms. I finally deduced that he was just teething…no big deal. It reminded me of when Ridley woke up in the night with his first fever when he was around 8 months old. I was SO SO scared. So afraid that something was seriously wrong with him that we took him to the emergency room. Oh my! We were such rookie parents. Ha! He had a mild ear infection and his body was doing what it should to fight it off and heal.
Social media has made us more and more aware of the illnesses, diseases and heartbreak that are many people’s reality. While I think it’s incredible to have thousands of people praying for those suffering, I have to keep myself in check. I know myself too well. I have to be very careful to guard what I read because it’s my human nature to give into the fear that I’m next, or one of my children is next. That unfounded fear cripples me and makes me useless.
As I’ve grown and changed in this beautiful role called motherhood, I’ve grown less fearful. Maybe it’s experience. Maybe it’s maturity. But I know without a doubt that I’m trusting God more now than ever. I trust His sovereignty. I trust His power. I trust His incredible creation called man.
Instead of freaking out over every fever, ache or pain, I rest. I trust. And I watch these bodies work just the way that God intended them to.
The point of this post is not to determine when or if you should seek medical attention for you or your children. Or whether you should seek holistic or modern medical treatment. You have to follow YOUR gut instincts on those issues.
My point is to make truth-controlled decisions instead of fear-controlled decisions. I don’t want to miss out on LIFE because I’m worried about a mosquito bite or an ingrown toenail. 😉
Trusting God for life and health isn’t a passive thing. For me, it’s as active as getting up and going to work out at the gym at 5:00 AM. It’s a choice.
How do I keep fear at bay? This. Right here.
“Bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” {2 Cor. 10:5} Sometimes I have to do some real rodeo roping to take those wildly, fearful thoughts captive. 😉
“What time I am afraid, I will trust in You” {Psalm 56:3} My momma taught me this when I was a little girl and afraid of the dark and it is still a precious reminder.
So, tell me. Am I alone in my struggle with fear? If I am, just humor me and say you get it, umkay??
xoxo
Myra
My mom was such a worrier, I made a conscious decision not to be. Its helped some, but I still have to try…and pray. I dont want to be the bearer of bad news, but this kid stuff is a piece of cake….just wait until they are teenagers, and this will feel like the good ole days. Then they become adults, and it is a whole new ballgame that you dont have control over. (Son in Law in Afghanistan) The point is, you are always going to be a parent and there will always be something to worry about. How you handle it is what is important, and I think you are on the right track!
Bernie, I am coming from kind of the same place…and worry often comes from a place of concern, but it’s so hard to not let that concern overtake us until we are in knots over everything. Unlike my mom, I should be having at least one boy (in July), maybe more down the road…and what if they like to climb trees, skateboard, and do other things likely to result in broken arms? Am I going to chase after them fearfully going “No no NO!” their whole childhoods, or am I going to be able to take the scrapes (and maybe breaks) in stride as part of the growing-up process?
I definitely “get” the self-diagnosing thing, too. I asked a relative about some boil-type things I’ve had. She suggested seeing a doctor and texted me at one point that these skin issues are not normal. Sometimes others unwittingly fill you with fear, too! (For me, it is literally difficult to go to the doctor because waiting for a phone call for days is so nerve-wracking, I’d rather be waiting WITHOUT the doctor visit for the issue to resolve itself. I definitely need to grow in this area.)
I was talking with another friend about deep concerns for the future, and she encouraged me/ us to not make decisions based on fear, but what is the difference between fear and sensible caution? What is sensible to one person seems crazy/ inordinately fearful to someone else. Something I haven’t worked out yet in my mind.
Your post really spoke to me this morning . Thank you for the courage to write about about it. I have been struggling with fear and anxiety lately also and am learning to depend and trust on God instead of others. God bless you in this everyday journey.
Is 26:3-4
You’re NOT alone! 😉 I struggle with fear especially concerning my children…a lot of times they are somewhat unfounded and seem to come from nowhere (I’m sure I know who sends them, though–the enemy!). I, like you said, get so debilitated when I dwell on them. I’ve been working on the same solution—taking the thoughts into captivity. It’s encouraging to know I’m not alone. 🙂
You that you are NOT alone! 🙂 You spoke about fear in being a mother and protecting your babies, but I’ve had to deal with fear that was so much more intense than that. God’s brought me to a place of trust that I thought I had already been at for years, but was very sadly mistaken. My mom is the world’s worst worrier, and it does control her life. When my son was born with a birth defect, it threw my body (unknowingly) into a sort of adrenal shock I think. Ever since then, I’ve battled with fear and anxiety. The absolute only thing that has kept me sane, and yes I do mean that literally, is the word of God. I constantly repeat scriptures to myself and have them plastered all over the house to remind me that God has not given me a spirit of fear, etc. And that’s exactly what it is.. a SPIRIT of fear… you have to fight spiritually against this. I’m doing much better than I ever have been, but it’s still a daily fight. A daily choice, as you said, to purpose in myself to trust God with all I am and know that He is fighting for me and His plans are better than my own. He’s big enough to take care of everything and my worrying and stressing about it only hurts myself.. never brings about positive changes. So no 🙂 You are most definitely not alone in this.
I so needed this!! I am often gripped with fear…something that didn’t start until I had kids. I know it isn’t of God and have been really fighting it lately. I struggle most (at present) with the fact that something is wrong with me and will happen to me. I could relate to everything you wrote, even the part about having to be careful what I read about other people. I have been known to read a prayer request and then start thinking that thing was wrong with me. It’s terrible and definitely a stronghold in my life. Thank you so much for posting this. It came at just the right time!!
Wow…what a relief, I’m not alone!!!! Tammy, what you wrote, change the name to Jeanine and it’s me. It is such a large struggle that I can’t function at times, and like you said it didn’t start until I had children and really kicked in when my Dad was killed in a auto Accident that wasn’t his fault a year and a half ago…I wasn’t ready to loose my Dad and I’m so scared of leaving my kids like my Dad left me and I’m a middle aged women, my kids are still baby’s and really need me. I am seeking professional help because it’s not fair to my family but I have also been praying non-stop for peace. Being a Mom is amazing and wonderful but so scary as well. Thank you Myra for posting this today…it is exactly what I needed.
Wow i want to say thank you because for some reason i felt i needed to read this blog and i am so glad i did. i live in fear everyday and i worry to much as my kids tell me i was not so bad when they was baby’s but now after loosing my oldest son it seems all i do is worry and i think i make it hard on my other children because everytime they walk out the door i am on edge til they walk back in. i have got a little better with time and keeping my mind busy with hobbies when they are not home but i am so sick of fear running my life because i feel like i am missing out on so much and i really think what you wrote has helped me it just seems like something clicked inside me and i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart
Wow!! This was exactly what I needed to read! I have always been a worrier but it has become especially bad since I became a mommy 21 months ago. Since the second he was born I have thought about all the “what if’s” and it sometimes bogs my mind down so bad. I pray constantly for God’s peace and his protection. I know God has everything under control! I know exactly what you mean about social media. I pray for everyone of the families that I read about that are hurting but I too start worrying and thinking what if this happened to us? I was just praying last night for a family that just received some terrible news and I went to bed with such a heavy heart and worry in my mind and when I woke up this morning I felt so much peace and then I read your blog post and I just have to say thank you for putting your thoughts out there and for those scriptures that you brought back to my mind!
Thank you so much for sharing this blog today. I come from a long line of worriers. My husband tells me that he doesn’t ever worry because I worry enough for the both of us. This year my son is a senior. He is trying to get an athletic scholarship for college. I have worried myself sick over it. I decided at the beginning of the year I was going to trust God and have FAITH that he will guide my son in the path that is his will and best for him. It is a struggle daily for me not to dwell on it and worry about it. I will say that this has made me a stronger person in my faith. I take it one day at a time. I enjoyed reading everyone’s comments because it made me feel better about myself. The older your kids get te harder it is. I thought it was hard when they were babies and toddlers. People always told me that was the easy part. I didn’t believe them until my kids turned into teens. I am very blessed with healthy, smart, amazing kids. I praise God for that daily. I know he knows best for all of us. I pray daily for him to help me with my struggle on worrying. Thanks again for the blog!
As a parent, I believe we all worry. Am I doing this right, that right, do I need to take them to the hospital, etc, etc.
I have 3 children ages 12 (almost 13), 11 and 7 year olds. I felt that I was a pro at this and the fear subsided. My biggest fear was am I being too harsh on them or being a good mother?!
But then another fear came into play when this past summer my husband and son were in an accident and my 11 year old did not make it. This fear of going on, the fear of losing another child, crosses my mind every second of the day. I wanted to be with my other 2 kids 24/7, I could not and would not let them out of my site. I could not and would not let them go too far from me because of this one fear…of losing them, also.
But I have slowly, and I mean slowly been able to let my daughter go to her friends house, my son go somewhere with just dad. If I don’t hear from my husband in one way or the other the whole fear thing comes into play and I start to panic, which isn’t a good thing for the heart. But I breathe and know they are ok.
I have learned many things from this horrible tragedy and am still learning. As a parent I can let them be free, but as long as I try my best and as long as I let them know every moment of the day that I love them, that all will be all right. What God intends for us is not up to us. But what we do with the time God gives us and how we use it is up to us. I can now let them go and be free, knowing that what I am doing as a parent and have done as a parent is the best I can do and that I love every moment I have with my family and that I can’t live in fear because that is taking away precious time with them.
Thank you for posting this topic about fear. It has opened a lot of thoughts for me about this topic and that it will be ok and what I had with my son, who passed, was the best 11 years, and what I will and do have now with my other 2 kids is going to be of quality, amazing love and not of fear.
My children are adults, and I too worry and fret, which doesn’t do them or me good. Thanks to all who shared their thoughts and struggles and for reminding me, yet again, that we are not alone, that we have a choice to “rest” and “trust”, to bring our thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, and NOT to fear and worry. May it be so!
Beautiful post! Sometime I want to tell you the story of how God took my mom worry from me and it never returned! He is so good. Love ya, Lisa~
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So needed this today, thanks! Pregnant and my husband’s work is making changes so we might be out of a job. Good reminder to trust in the Lord!
Amen. Our pastor once said that worry is a mild form of atheism. I try really hard to remember that and give it all to God. Trust, trust, trust.
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Such a great post! I needed to hear this today. I don’t have children but I manage to find other things to be fearful about….mostly things that “could” or “might” happen. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing! No, you are not alone 🙂 I struggle with worry every time I hear of bad things happening to someone else (and mom worry too!). My husband knows not to let me watch the news 🙂
One of the Scripture passages that helps me is Romans 6 through 8. You know the part about “the good that I want to do [not worrying] I don’t do, and the bad that I don’t want to do [worrying!] I do…” That’s exactly what happens when I get into a worrying funk. After that, Paul talks about the fact that, as a Christian, I am not a slave to sin (worry, in this case). I’m a servant of righteousness. And so if I go do something “righteous” (like completing a task that needs to be finished, reading Scripture, praying for someone, thanking God for specific things, etc.), God really uses that to help break the worry cycle. Can’t wait to hear how you’ve been fighting the battle too–mental struggles are some of the hardest to overcome because you can’t just walk away from the source of temptation! Thanks again for sharing this. 🙂
Such a great post! Those of us who have been there completely understand. And your right, as you grow as a parent, you do relax a bit…even though kids are really good at giving you reasons to worry. Just remember that God says…worrying don’t do you any good. So instead, we pray for them and give them to Him. ! It sounds like your a great mom!
Oh Myra…you are not alone in fear. I was always a bit of a worrier…anxiety and depression are my two closest friends! But when I added children to my life, my anxiety grew by leaps and bounds. It went completely out of control. Right now, I’m trying – publicly – to take back my life from incessant fear and worry and their effects: http://www.unclutteredmoments.com/ultimate-diy-self-challenge.
Thank you for this amazing post…sometimes I feel like it’s only me. Thank goodness for Jesus who walks beside us and shares these burdens. Blessings…candice
Thank you so much for your post. I struggle daily with fear and anxiety and find it hard sometimes to fully trust God, but I’m working on it. I read your post just before I had to take my son to see a Dr. It made a huge difference. Thanks! Jane, Manchester UK.
This is great, Myra!
There’s a lot of obsession about “weary moms” right now. I’m certainly no supermom, and so far we’ve done most of our parenting without family nearby to help take some of the load. I get that motherhood can be pretty exhausting. But, I think you hit the nail on the head with your statement, “All this worry is exhausting me!”
I can’t help but wonder if maybe our worry (combined with the endless amounts of information available now) is one of several factors that is making the current state of motherhood far more exhausting than God ever intended (even while living under the curse)?
You are not alone at all my friend. I’ve surely worry a ton too. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I was working in a high acuity NICU and I saw things that were scary to see when you are pregnant. I worried a lot when I took care of a 25 week preemie, while I was 25 weeks having a healthy pregnancy. But God is so good at helping us as we pass each hurtle. I’m trying to focus on the good things God has done in the past and how he will work in my life in the future. Lately, (while being pregnant for the second time) I’m trying to focus on gratitude and gaining wisdom in the area’s that I am fearful. The more I learn about natural childbirth, it has actually decreased a lot my hospital fear.
I love the verse you shared today, I need to commit that one to memory. Thank you for sharing your mommy heart!
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I’ve struggled with the tendency to make so a LOT of parenting decisions based on fear rather than faith. And this fear can make us suckers for all kinds of advice/systems/formulas for action that really may not be God’s direction for our own particular children and their needs.
I’ve been slowly learning to stop myself and ask “Am I doing this because I’m scared of X, Y, or Z happening, or because I’m following God and trusting His direction in this?”
Great post!
I struggle with this also…but this verse has helped me get through!
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. (Isaiah 41:10 NLT)
Thanks for your post!
I loved reading this post. I too suffer with having to deal with fear on a daily basis and the only way to kick it in the butt like you said is to go to God in prayer and trust. It is through Him that gives us strength. I am a mother of two precious toddler boys whom i love with my whole heart. They are such gifts to me that i treasure. But late at night I lay there and satan will put awful thoughts in my head. So then, I pray. You are not alone. Doesnt that feel good to know that. 🙂
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Thanks 🙂
I am a new mom of a 5 month old, and I have struggled with worry / anxiety for years on my own. But, it skyrocketed to a whole new level when I was told at 18 weeks pregnant that I was high risk for having a baby with Downs Syndrome. They even gave me the specific risk ratio – which didn’t help anything. (lesson learned, I will never do that blood test again in the future) I had to go in for a special ultrasound where I basically cried throughout the entire appointment. I remember telling the ultrasound tech through my tears that it was so scary how so many things could go wrong, and she looked at me and calmly said, “But so many things can go right.” And she was right. So often we get so torn up over the “what ifs” that we miss the amazing parts. But, how could we not? Like you said, we read about terrible tragic situations all of the time – including stories about vulnerable young children. Our baby did not have Downs, but if she had, we would have loved her just the same. My point is that I’m learning these are normal fears and worries, but I am only wasting my energy and joy on things I am afraid of. We must be thankful for each day that the Lord gives us (and our loved ones) breath. Thank you for your thoughts on this.
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